How I discovered Anxiety

Feeling anxious is a normal human emotion. The Australian Psychological Society defines anxiety as “feelings of worry, nervousness, or a sense of apprehension, typically about an upcoming event where the outcome is uncertain, or where the person feels he or she might not be up to the task. Anxiety is commonly experienced in high pressure situations, for example, prior to a making a speech or sitting an exam” . Anxiety becomes a disorder when a person continues to be anxious once the “stressor” is removed. This means a person suffering from anxiety continues to panic even after they have been removed from the situation. Sometimes anxiety can be triggered by absolutely nothing.

In Australia one in four women and one in five men will be diagnosed with anxiety at some time during their life. In a twelve-month period, two million people will experience anxiety in Australia. It is the most common mental illness in the country. The good thing about it being so common is that health professionals are well equipped to help suffers, meaning quicker recovery periods. Beyond Blue is an Australian non-profit organisation that dedicates their time to helping people who suffer from Depression and Anxiety. Their website is a plethora of information on both illnesses. You can get more information here.

I was eighteen when I figured out I had anxiety but I had been dealing with it for years unbeknown to me. I stumbled across it through a book I was reading for University. I noticed similarities between myself and the main character. At first I didn’t think much of it and continued on with my life avoiding things that made me feel anxious.

One day I was bored during one of my lectures so I googled ‘Social Anxiety’ and low and behold my actions and feelings matched the signs and symptoms. I can’t exactly remember how I felt. I think I was somewhat relieved that the things I was feeling weren’t abnormal. In fact, the more I read and learned about social anxiety the better I felt about how I was feeling. At least now I had a reason, an explanation, to how I was feeling. I do remember feeling a bit stupid for not figuring it out earlier. I remember telling myself that regular people don’t start shaking and sweating at the thought of going into work to when you’re not usually there. Regular people don’t freak out when they walk into their boyfriend’s house and his whole family is home. I’ve known my boyfriend’s family for years. I’ve been friends with his twin sister since primary school so they definitely weren’t strangers. I definitely shouldn’t be having a breakdown in my car about going inside. I had gone most of my teenage life avoiding situations that made me feel anxious. I missed out on so many opportunities during school without realising why I was doing it.

Despite feeling relieved about discovering everything, it didn’t change how I acted. I still refused to go to Netball functions even if I had friends going. I still refused to take part in class discussions at university. I still freaked out over nothing. When you freak out without anything triggering a panic attack, it makes you feel worse about yourself than if you had a trigger. There have been times when I’m lying in bed and all of a sudden I’m struggling to breathe and I’m shaking and I have tears rolling down my face and I have absolutely no idea why. Try explaining to someone why you just had a panic attack when there is no reason. By the time I turned nineteen only one person knew.

The day my parents found out about my anxiety was a weird one. In the weeks leading up to them finding out, I had been working on a creative writing assignment. I had chosen to write about a girl who suffers from anxiety. I called it a fiction piece but it ended up being borderline non-fiction, but of course no one knew. Anyway, I had asked my best friend and her mum if they could read the piece thinking nothing of it. Needless to say my best friend’s mum was slightly worried about what I had written and showed my mum the piece of writing. I think it took my mum a while to comprehend what I had written. I have a close relationship with my mum. I tell her almost everything. She’s the first one I’ll go to if I need advice on anything. We get along really well. I think she was hurt that I hadn’t told her about my anxiety; but I think she was mostly hurt about how she found out. If my friend’s mum hadn’t shown her, I probably wouldn’t have confessed everything to her and I wouldn’t be where I am today. So, Lyndall if you’re reading this, thank you.

My mum and I sat down a few days after she read the piece and talked everything through. There were a lot of tears, a lot of hugging but even though the topic of conversation was kind of grim, it was positive. I wasn’t alone anymore. I didn’t have to hide. Mum was careful to make sure getting help was something I wanted to do and not something she was making me do. We got in touch with a place called CBT Australia. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural therapy, which sounds a lot more intense than what it actually is. Basically, what they teach you is how to deal with situations you find difficult. They don’t tell you how you’re feeling and they don’t shove useless information down your throat. I was taught how to identify the situations that make me anxious and then how to control panic attacks. As well as breathing exercises and mindfulness exercises. You can’t really ‘cure’ anxiety or depression. You just learn how to manage it and manage it I did.

These days I’m still managing it and there are some really tough days; but the important thing is that there are now more good days and less bad days.

** if you want more information on Cognitive Behavioural therapy you can click here **

#mentalhealth #wellness #wellbeing #anxiety